A Sad, True Story

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Fred Nefler
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A Sad, True Story

Post by Fred Nefler » Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:40 am

I hope I write this reasonably well. I'm sleepy but promised myself I'd write this up before I went to sleep. Plus I lack the fiery passions of youth these days, but back to the getting on with it...

So, my best friend is awesome. I feel I'm actually being objective when I say that, statistically speaking, the chance that anyone reading this thread would actually get to know such a person is approximately 0. Love her to death and I'd do damn near anything for her. And I often do, especially financially, as she is plagued with very poor health and misfortune. I'm definitely being objective when I say that, statistically speaking, the chance that anyone who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who read this thread would actually get to know such a person is approximately zero. She's survived things that no one really has any business surviving, especially all in conjunction; cancers, terminal congenital heart defects, strokes, tumors, the entire slew of maladies that people with such illnesses tend to accrue (for those who don't know, when your heart is crap your entire body becomes crap by default), and then some. She has strength, wisdom, kindness, and sarcasm that are beyond my abilities to describe. And if you haven't noticed by now, I'm pretty verbose.

Right now, she's somewhere in a hospital, trying to recover from a series a multiple abdominal surgeries. Some to correct existing internal bleeding, others to correct new internal bleeding that occurred after prior surgeries, others to remove organs and bits and pieces of things due to cancerous growths. Her recovery is not going well. She's in immediate danger of being evicted from her current apartment, and all of her things there will be thrown out. She doesn't have the money to stave off the eviction or to get a new place; and this is with her trying to make it with 2 roommates. And this is in NE America, where it's brutal, freezing winter right now. Sure death for the homeless, especially the already sick ones. All of the shelters are full and have waiting lists with expectations of several months. Add to this that she has a baby boy in her care. The father is also in danger of being homeless (same reason), and doesn't have much income (he's just a student with a federal stipend). So her son is at risk of soon being without a mother. Possible legal recourses have been exhausted to no avail.

Her family (mother, aunts, etc.) is...a lost cause, honestly. The few who might help if they could are much too poor to help, struggling just to stave of homelessness themselves. And those who could help won't. They simply proclaim it to all be so tragic, and then proceed to do nothing. Her mother is perhaps the most stinging of them all. For lengthy reasons I won't get into, their relationship has long been strained or non-existent at best. Things had seemed to be improving lately, though. Her mom was starting to communicate, like she was trying to heal the wounds and bridge the gap, and she'd even been helping out a bit here and there. She was supposed to have been covering all of these rent matters before they even became problems. But when the younger daughter, my friend's sister, found herself in a bit of a pickle, the mother opted to spend $5000 to retain a lawyer for her so that she could avoid a few days in jail, and then spent over a thousand more to equip the daughter and her boyfriend with things like canes and capes (they're goths, and the daughter in particular is very spoiled). All while fully aware of her other daughter's condition and what this would result in. In a way, this is very expected of the mother, but we both thought she'd gotten better than that recently. And we really needed someone other than me to step up to the plate for the finances, as I don't have a lot to spare at my current job, and it would have been awesome in so many ways if it was her mother who finally came through and protected her and cared for her earnestly. Her sister was and is fully aware of the consequences of these things, too, and insists upon them anyways. They would both rather let her die miserably and painfully, leaving a motherless child behind, than to bear a minor jail stay (over a crime she is falsely accused of, incidentally) or go without fancy go-go dancing outfits. The younger daughter has actually threatened to commit suicide if she doesn't get things her way.

What few friends she has are terribly poor and frequently have trouble supporting themselves. And it's hard to maintain or make friends when you're bed-ridden or holed up in a hospital so much and just trying to figure out how to get enough money to the hospitals so that they won't blacklist you and refuse to treat you no matter what. I'm basically the only person she knows with income who isn't poor as hell and also gives a shit. I've spent a LOT of my income over the last several years keeping her going. No regrets, every cent and trouble definitely worth it, but I'm pretty much tapped out of my own resources and the resources of those around me. I've given her enough of this year's salary already that it's going to be tight for the duration of the rest of my appointment.

All of this meaning, of course, that my friend's stress levels are tremendously high. And that is a very bad thing to have when you're recovering from surgeries and internal bleeding problems. She may be in the ICU or the OR right now, for all I know, to deal with the resulting complications. Or worse.

So, I come at last to the final point and thrust of all of this: is there any help to be found out there in the alliance and beyond? I know these sorts of requests don't always pan out well, but I have to ask.

Thanks for reading.

Draco Cracona
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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by Draco Cracona » Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:23 am

Hope it improves for you and her, and you'll both be in my thoughts. Unfortunately, I don't have any spare money until I actually get a job, else I'd be looking at sending some your way :(

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stupac2
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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by stupac2 » Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:58 am

You could try KoL at large, but I don't know if you'd meet with any success. I remember hearing about that woman who was nearly killed by her husband getting some money, and that stuffie drive thing. I think that your quest for anonymity might be something of a problem, since some people might not be inclined to trust you (I don't know how big of a problem that would be). You could also try something like Reddit, I see similar requests there from time-to-time.

Other than that I don't really have any ideas, especially if you need more than a few hundred bucks. AFH probably just can't get all that much alone.

Sorry man, this sounds like it really sucks.

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thacon
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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by thacon » Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:58 am

I agree with Stu on all points and I doubly agree about Reddit. Some of the most generous people I've ever encountered hang out over there. If you make a post/set up a fund, please share the link here as well.

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Fred Nefler
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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by Fred Nefler » Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:47 pm

stupac2 wrote:You could try KoL at large, but I don't know if you'd meet with any success. I remember hearing about that woman who was nearly killed by her husband getting some money, and that stuffie drive thing. I think that your quest for anonymity might be something of a problem, since some people might not be inclined to trust you (I don't know how big of a problem that would be). You could also try something like Reddit, I see similar requests there from time-to-time.

Other than that I don't really have any ideas, especially if you need more than a few hundred bucks. AFH probably just can't get all that much alone.

Sorry man, this sounds like it really sucks.
Right now the current place wants $400, and to move in to a new place would be something like 400-900 she thinks, depending on move-in deals and the like. She would likely stiff her current place for a bit if she could secure a new one. Her lease on the current place is ending soon, anyway.

And anonymity can be sacrificed in a case like this.

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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by preniqueezer » Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:07 pm

Is there a means/location for donating? Maybe I missed it, but if people want to help I'm not sure what they would do. Contact you?

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Fred Nefler
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Re: A Sad, True Story

Post by Fred Nefler » Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:29 pm

preniqueezer wrote:Is there a means/location for donating? Maybe I missed it, but if people want to help I'm not sure what they would do. Contact you?
I'm not entirely sure, actually. She doesn't have a bank account or anything like that, which complicates matters. I often have to get money to her through WU using my bank account. Which is painfully expensive, but it's quick at least. I don't live in the same state as her. I can direct money from my bank account to her, or I can try to get a hold of one of the few people out there who could pick up things like WU transfers and put them towards her costs, and money could be given to her that way (that's essentially what I'd be doing, anyway). Annoyingly, they don't have bank accounts either. I'm open to whatever functional and quick options there are that would make someone who wants to help comfortable with doing so. I'm not used to trying to organize and streamline these things.

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