EDIT: I've been updating them below as I get them
AH, QUAMPER, I AM GLAD TO OF REACH TO YOU. I AM COLE. I LIVE IN IYALE NIGERIA. I AM VERY DANGER AND NEED YOU HELP. PLEASE CAN YOU SEND HELP? I LOVE YOU MY BROTHER. I WAIT FOR YOUR DIVINE GIFT.
QUAMMPER. IT IS GOD WILL THAT WE COME TOGETHER. I JUST TELL MY SISTER HOW I DREAM OF ADVENTURER WHO WILL SAVE US FROM GANGS WHO WANT TO HURT US.
QUAMPER! I BRING BAD NEWS. GANG TAKE MY SISTER TO FRANCE TO MAKE HER SLAVE AND THEY ONLY PAY ME MUGCAKE! I NEED YOU HELP!!!!!!
QUAMPER. WHY YOU NO SEND ME HELP? ALL MY SHIRTS ARE BROKEN AND YOU NO HELP?
OK QUAMPER. YOUR GREAT MAN. I KNOW YOU WANT TO HELP. I GIVE YOU MY ADDRES AND YOU SEND ME MEAT TO BUY NEW SISTER. YOU WILL BE HERO IN NIGERIA.
QUAMPER. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. I LOSE MY SHOES AND WIFE IN FIRE! WONaT YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO GIVE ME MEAT? I WILL GIVE YOU ADDRESS AND YOU WESTERN UNION MEAT. GOD BLESS.
QUAMPER. I JUST GOT BACK FROM WESTERN UNION AND THEY SAY YOU NO SEND MEAT. THEN THEY PUNCH MY BUNG AND TAKE MY BELT. WHY YOU HATE ME? YOU OWE ME MEAT AND BELT!
QAMPER! I GO TO WESTERN UNION AND THEY SAY YOU MEA T ARRIVE BUT I NO CLAIM UNLESS YOU SEND MORE. PEASE. MY WIFE YELL AT ME ABOUT HUNRGRY BABBY. HE NOT EAT FO R 3 MONTH! HOW HE WORK IF HE NO EAT?
DAMN YOU. YOU NOT SEND MEAT! I SELL MOTHER FOR MEAT TO CLAIM PACKAGE AND IT CONTAIN ASSHAT. YOU THINK FUNNY? I CALL FBI ON YOU. YOUR GOING TO JAIL. CONSTITUTION SAY YOU CHEAT ME. I CALL PRESIDENT!
QUAMPIR! THAT WAS LAST STRAW! I SELL BABY TO PAY FOR DHL RELSEASE AND BOX ^@*!AIN POTTED CACTUS. YOU GO TO JAIL NOW. YOUR BAD MAN!
QUAMPER. SEND ME 9M MEAT AND I FORGIVE YOU. YOU TAKE MY DAUGHTER AS TRUCE. SND MEAT FOR HER TRAVAL. SHE COOK YOU KNOB PASTY EVERY DAY. SHE LOOK LIKE BRITNEY SPEAR AND ENGLAND QEEN HAVE BABBY
*10 bottles of CRIMBCO wine with this oneQUAMPER. I SEND YOU WINE. YOU GET DRNK AND SEND ME MEAT? MY DUAGHER SAY SHE GO TO KINGDOM AND BE PRINCESS QUAMPER WIFE. SHE SELL LEGS TO AFFORD MAKE PRETTY FOR YOU. SEND MEAT OR ELSE GLOBAL WARM!
*5 motivational posters (this guy is pretty generous for a scammerOK QUAMR. I GIVE UP. YOU SMARTER THAN COLE. I GIVE UP SCAM PEOPLE. PLEASE TAKE ALL POSTER I STOLEN FROM ADVENTURERS BEFORE.
)*4 bath ball gift setsI TURN LIFE AROUND. I GET JOB AT ZYNGA. NO MORE SCAM PEOPLE!
*2 slow jam collectionsDEAR QUAMPER. I GET FIRED FROM ZYNGA FOR ACCIDENTALLY THE WHOLE DATABASE. IT OK THOUGH. I GET NEW JOB WITH BLACKWATER AND NOW I HELP PEOPLE. WE DROP THESE FROM METAL BIRDS! I SHARE SOME WITH YOU.
*3 Dickory Farms Gift BasketsQUAMPER. I ACCIDENTALY GOT JAM ON BOSSaS IMPORTANT PAPERS AND I GET VERY SCARED, BUT HE NOT MAD! HE SAID I WON TRIP TO CUBA BASE! HAVE GIFTS TO CELEBRATE MY GOOD FORTUNE! IaM SURE I TALK TO YOU S
QUAMPER! I ESCAPE! I WARE QUAMPER MASK AND WALK RIGHT PAST CAMRAS. NOW THEY LOOK FOR YOU AND NOT ME. EVERYBODY WIN! I COME LIVE WITH YOU NOW?
QUAMPER! TAKE THESE MUGS AS MY PARTING GIFT. IT NOW TOO DANGEROUS TO TALK TO YOU THROUH CRIMBCO. I SAVE EVERYTHING THOUGH AND START QUAMPERLEAKS.ORG. BE STRONG BROTHER.
